A Place for Small Things

How to move on

2011-05-14T21:39:00.000-07:00

Well here I am feeling pretty down in the dumps..yes it was a after a breakup of the worst sorts...loving someone ..being crazily madly in love..and without much explanation it has ended. I feel like the word "shattered" is how best to describe my feeings at this point.

So i don't know if anyone has done like me and googled how to get over somthing like this but this is what I found.. some pretty good advice if i must say so i'd just like to share it...

http://www.been-dumped.com/Moving-On-After-Being-Dumped.php

So from this i gather he is not coming back and there is nothing i can do about it. What now?? Such a bitter pill to swallow..but there it is. And what if you believed that that was your soul mate and one true love and no other relationship you have had or could have will ever compare to it...that noone could ever compare to that person?

I have a feeling i can become a pretty bitter and cynical person if i allow myself to..for instance i've been wonderig if i've been living behind rose-coloured specs by believing in that thing called "true love"... WHAT THE HELL IS LOVE ANYWAY? Much less TRUE love...

How do i believe in it again? Damn but this hurts :(

A rather sweet sad song i'm liking these days

2011-05-14T21:33:00.000-07:00

The Tears are Falling- Ann Taylor

2009-12-06T14:54:00.000-08:00

My heart feels such pain,
Tell me how to stop my tears.
What can I do to ease the pain?

Why, has life always been so hard,
Showering me with such heavy burdens.

The tears keep falling
As I lay down to sleep.
My eyes wide open,
Flashes of my past,
Of things I lost in my life.

As the tears fall, memories
Floating around in my mind,
Going back in time.
Remembering all the good times
When I had it all.

The tears are falling like a summer rain,
Wishing i could turn back time.
Never thinking one day,there would
Be no you here besides me.

With tears falling down my face,
Knowing there is nothing left

But my memories of time past,
When you were there besides me,
Keeping me safe.
Making all the problems seem small
As you are standing so tall.

No tears of sorrow,
Only love, hope and happiness,
Never thinking of tommorow.

Now as my tears are falling
There is no one here to wipe them away.
Just my hands of loneliness
praying, what to do.

I stare at nothing, trying to decide
Where do I go from here,
Which way do I turn?

The tears are falling, remembering
All the things I took for granted,
Now that all is lost and gone

As i wipe the tears falling down my face,
I look up to the sky and pray.
"Please God, help to show me the way.
Lead me down the right path,
Give me the strength to carry on.

It's so lonely here by myself
With so many things to do.
I need you to give me the faith
To see me through."

The tears have stopped falling.
With God's help I'll figure out
What I need to do.
It may not be the best,
But it will be the best that I can do,
Living my life by myself, without you.

My latest Addiction- (Amor Amor-Arno Elias) Buddha Bar

2009-02-24T22:17:00.000-08:00

Life as a Twig

2009-02-23T20:35:00.000-08:00

I took a pretty little walk, to do some gardening you know? The grass was green and fresh, I could smell the rain as it hit the scorching black pitch. I got high.

The scenery made me want to cry. Surrounded in greenery, huge lucious trees, a border of bamboo. I feel like...like I could describe anything! No lacking in words, the colours and much rare earth to drown in. The scent so real, so vivid, it's lustre undeniable, glossy shade of green!

I pick the longest twig I could find, sit here ready to devour it. I devour it's life, it's breath, it's colour, it's scent, it's beauty, it's uniqueness.

So much beauty, so much life in a lifeless twig.

I smell it. Smell it's nearness, it's aloneness, it's perfection. It reminds me of fresh salad. Cold, edible, fragile, wilting.

It reminds me of my solitude, my dependability on the living. It brings me face to face with death. Jaws snapping at my flesh, my face...absolute inevitable destruction and everlasting pain.

It reminds me of life. It all begins with the root, soft, wet, fresh, vulnerable. Through the middle, it turns to a delicious green....then a depressing brown..

It's fatness thins out and I encounter a break in the once fertile twig. Shall I break it here? End it's life shortly, swiftly..end all suffering and pain?

Live or DIE! Kill or BE KILLED! Do it or SUFFER! ....It seems these are our choices whether we like it or not.

We lengthen, thin out, wither and thankfull, finally we die....It seems this is life...

...and the precious sweet smelling twig that I hold in my hand!

No where to go for Carnival

2009-02-22T08:29:00.000-08:00

I've often wondered at my life..saying "my life sux" doesn't cut it anymore. I'm sitting here and waiting..watching ..thinking it's going to get better someday!..yea..someday!

I wonder if the average 25 year old feels this way.. as though..life is something you feel unprepared for..it's hazy and you seem to be going nowhere fast. You find yourself wishing you were somewhere else..you get irritated at where your at in life and can't wait to get somewhere...but have no idea where!

Well, that's me right now, I wonder if 15 months from now..i'll be where I want to be.. I don't think I will be content...
My art teacher, Mr.Morris once told me the painting I did showed that I feel jailed in..even though I knew it was for my benefit. Like a bird in a guilded cage... It's a lovely looking jail..but a jail nontheless..and is it really for my own benefit?

So I, like some people don't enjoy the crush and bother of Trini Carnival..sue me! But would you pass up the opportunity to go to Tobago for a week..all expenses paid! ...I wouldn't..but I did :(

Now I'm stuck it seems ..at home on Saturday, at home on Sunday, at home on Monday , at home on Tuesday..no wonder I'm blogging!>>shoot me somebody!!!

One of My Favourites by Stan Rice

2009-01-07T07:53:00.000-08:00

AESTHETIC THEORY

Contrive a poem out of ears

Tell it

so that it's petals unchocolate

like a brain in a jar.

Wax walnut melting with thought.

Make it a poem almost

lewdly knowledge

ooze, syrup from the punched trunk.

Make it snake up to the molecule whorey

and put it's mouth

atomic against the mouth of it's core.

Pull on it's stem

to expose it's foetus. Make it

have children with sleek ginger jaws.

Make the dogs moan when it passes,

let it out of it's jar.

Make it lie with our corpse, our chaos,

make it huge, evil, enemy of Death.

Put it on paper. Read it. Make surgery

it's sigh, and of such sting.

The Scorpions call it Jehovah & Who.

Make it now before you crap out,

Contrive it, sperm it, stroke it.

Make it efficient, make it fit,

make it more poem that poem-

can survive.

The hype is finally over..where do we stand now?

2009-01-06T13:37:00.000-08:00

I was never one for the Christmas season..but I always loved the feeling you get at the beginning of a new year. These days Christmas is all about spending and decorating and who got what. It's depressing to think that God is lost in all that...if getting closer to God is any where important..it's not close to being as important as shopping.

But back to that wonderful feeling of a new year.. It amazes me home quickly the year has ended..but boy am I happy 2008 is over. Sadly, 2008 was one of the worst years for Trinidad and Tobago. The country was centered around doom..a feeling of destruction... and I mean destruction of the economy, destruction of homes and families, destruction of infrastructure , our morals and values..but most of all destruction of our hopes of a bright and happy future for our country.

What I want to know is if all hope is lost for our country...what are we to do next?

I believe hope is what keeps us going, so that we have something to look forward to. Therefore, I want to wish everyone a wonderful year ahead , because I believe that the one thing we should not do is lose hope. I hope that in this year, 2009, we set goals that are important and which can benefit the people around us. Lets start with our families because that's where our problems start. Lets stop breeding criminals and wasteful beings and open our minds to causes for the benefit of humanity.

Lets shake off 2008, put on the brightest smile we can offer, take a deep breath and go out there to do our best..for ourselves and for whomever we can. There's still some hope left for Trinidad and Tobago, but it's up to us to take this country forward. When life throws us lemons...what should we do? Throw it back with all your might and say "I'm not taking that anymore!" I'm saying to fight for your rights dear people, fight for what you believe in and fight to make this nation a better place in 2009. May you all have the most wonderful, sweetest, year ever!

2008-12-18T13:53:00.000-08:00

Yay!!! Exams are done...finally! It feels good to be at a loose end for once, nothing to do, I can sleep all I want now...finally treat myself...oh and yea clean my bathroom! lol! Well I must mention 1 very important lesson ..or I should say revelation throughout this semester exams, it's that if you're lucky to predict almost accurately...exams will be a breeze. For atleast 3 of my exams I was able to predict almost accurately (the last 3) and study only those things. It was almost odd.... But only time will tell how good my work was.

Sooo..in a way I feel totally extremely sad that it's over... No seriously...during exams I went out to the mall alot...I saw Four Christmases...I wrote on my blog...discovered the fun of imikimis and got addicted...chat alot on msn...slept alot...lol ok I'm exaggerating ..but it was a fun time for me.. and probably will be more fun than my holidays will be since I have myself a little xmas job..yaaay! (not)

Atleast tomorrow is my shopping day...no I won't be getting anything for anyone..no I won't be buying anything for myself... nop nop..just my dear ole sister is taking me shopping! :D How kool is that huh?

The boringness of my blog

2008-12-15T15:56:00.000-08:00

Soooo i was told in no uncertain terms that my blogs is downright BORING and SAD by a friend of mine...so maybe he was TRYING to be helpful...but Mr. SugarFingers believed that i can give my blog a facelift by making it sexy.

Well what do you mean make it sexy???
The reply: post a better pic of yourself up. men like to see sexy girls'pics.
MY response? the removal of my profile pic altogether.

I really dont know if it's posible to get men's approval and attention through a blog ..but frankly i don't want it..

* aaall i really want for christmas is my blog to be read...
my blog to be read...my blog to be read...
aaall i really want for christmas is for my blog to be read..
my blog to be read...my blog to be readdd! *

NOT by men...just read thank you!

Can anyone tell me HOW to do this? Coz frankly i really dont want to resort to having a blog filled with awesome looking pin-up girls.

Really feelin this...Nora Jones

2008-11-30T15:07:00.000-08:00

A must see for me!

2008-11-30T12:41:00.000-08:00

This story just looks like my kind of thing..somewhere a cross between The Interview With A Vampire and Blood and Chocolate...but this is just my assumption. I can't wait to see it :D

Hopefully it will be waaaaay better than Lakeview Terrace...which i wrongly thought was going to be a thrill...yea some thriller..Samuel Jackson dear, you disappointed me :( My consolation was Quantum of Solace which i saw on Friday (yay!) and it was hella great ..yes even though I had never seen any previous James Bond movie!

I've still got to see Taken...though I'm not sure what to expect...As for upcoming movies.. Seven Pounds, Bolt, Marley and Me...but before all that>> "Me gusta mueve mueve! Me gusta mueve mueve, me gusta........MUEVE!"

Sandwiched

2008-11-30T07:59:00.000-08:00

I am burnt bread. Remember the saying that "You are what you eat"? Well, I am burnt bread. I am cheesed, tomatoed, peppered and sliced or halved..whichever.

Or am I the tomato smothered between cheese and bits of pepper, swallowed with pieces of burnt oh so burnt bread...I wonder which?

I made this sandwich oh, not because I want to eat it, but because I felt like making it, so now i have to eat it. I don't like to waste it or give it to someone else, I would like to taste it. Simply because I have made it, because it is mine, my art, my peace and strangely because it is me. What will you do huh? It is simply life!

Now I am going to eat it, taste it, cherish it, savour it. It will be cold, but i will heat it in the microwave and it's cheese will melt...It will melt for me.

I am going to take a bite, my first bite and chew it slowly...as slowly as can be.. I will count the number of times I have chewed it. Bite one, two , three, four bites, I forgot to count and unconsciously swallowed. Fourteen more slowly, I feel it's juice, it's hotness, it's texture, it's pepper in the aftermath.

Bite two, fourteen chews and i feel the crunch of it's burnt parts, it's juice, it's soft wetness, it's mushiness, I suck it in, it tastes great, the pepper and it sticks in my teeth.

I smell it, bite three. One to eighteen, I swallow, I crunch the tomato, yes and more tomato, taste the cheese, nineteen to twenty-four and another swallow. Still the pepper. A sniff of the nose. It burns.

Bite four. I smell toast, I bite, one, two , three, i hear the bite. Twenty-nine chews, more tomato, more pepper. As I eat, the more I want it, and I want to eat it in a hurry. I am not hungry, but I love it's taste. I will take a sip of tea and finish it off.

I am impatient. I can't bear the waiting. I burp...what does that mean? Does it mean that I was hungry after all? I will eat. Sip one, sip two.

I take deep breaths, I can't breathe very well. I will fix my hair and get ready to eat. I now feel like I am forced, compelled to eat because I have made it. I am the one who has made this great mess of a sandwich. I am what I eat.

By the time I finished my sandwich and re-read this, thinking about myself as this sandwich, I realized this...with two sips of tea and half the burnt sandwich, I already feel bloated.

I don't want it anymore but I still eat it and finish it off. There I am done. (Thank God!) What a task...and all because I wanted to make something. (Greediness!) Next time I'll just write about it. (Yeah right!)

The Bloody Child

2008-11-29T20:00:00.000-08:00

I was drained and battered,

Poor soul torn and shattered

As I stepped back to look

At the acidic world in front.

I gasped in awe,

At the beautifully coloured face

That sat staring back at me;

Showing me in the heart,

That colours can decieve the eye.

This time,the tramp that followed my mind

Looked into the swollen face,

And saw what he did not see before-

A child, stark and naked,

Drenched in wineline blood,

A never fading smile, that pressed

To kiss the jagged blade of a silver sword.

I stared in disbelief,

As the child without hesitation,

Plunged the sword within her heart,

Ripped it apart

And ate of it.

I screamed, ice-cold horror,

As i gripped myhead

And dropped to my knees.

I asked the child "Why?"

She grinned seductively,

And said drily,

"Because it is bitter, bitter my friend

And because it is my heart."

She then spat the colour blue,

And suddenly the rest was made blue.

Her eyes shedding blood tears,

Dropped to the ground in a mess of green.

I looked on aghast at what my world had become,

I thought cynically,

How could the face not decieve me?

The colours are too beautiful to resist.

So I look into the face,

And say in words that don't exist,

That i see the devil

Smiling up at me.